


The Traveling Fair

by swag_canada



Series: WTNV fanepisodes [2]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: ????????, M/M, and other shit like that, im not sure what to tag this with, its about stuff, its more a fanepisode than a slashfic, just read it please i cant do tags for shit, oh and a lil bit o fluff but not really, so i guess its just another random fanep full of existential terror and fried chicken, the usual, things, yknow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-08 13:30:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swag_canada/pseuds/swag_canada
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An old traveling fair has mysteriously appeared in the sand wastes between our beautiful little town and the ghastly Desert Bluffs last week. Not much is known of why it came to be, or where it came from, but we can all feel it watching. Waiting. Tracking our every move. Looking upon us as we forcibly and lifelessly go about our boring and habitual existence. It can sense our pain, our fear. We can feel it. Watching. It understands. And it will all be over soon….</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Traveling Fair

**Author's Note:**

> a thing i wrote for my creative writing class.....

The void swallows everything within reach, eating the universe away. Sometimes, that gives it indigestion. Welcome… to Night Vale. 

It’s wintertime, and you all know what that means. It’s peppermint season. So don’t forget to get into the holiday spirit and buy some peppermint hot chocolate, peppermint coffee, peppermint pizza, peppermint blood, peppermint contacts, peppermint peppermints, peppermint tea, peppermint organ transplants, peppermint perfume, or peppermint candies. And as every year, make sure to have many municipally-approved sacrifices in honour of the peppermint gods in order to have a safe and relatively sane holiday. 

Stars. What are they? What is anything? What do we really know? And what does any of it have to do with those little speckled lights up above our heads? Those lights, which are nothing but our imagination’s way of coping with the void, falsely convincing us that maybe, by some unfathomable chance, we might be destined for more than our painful, inevitable demise and eventual disappearance from the universe altogether. That perhaps we are safe from the void in which those imaginary stars reside, and that our essence might not fade away and fall prey to the endless velvet obsidian of the nothingness from which our very existence was created and began. All of these hopeful ideas are, of course, false. DO NOT BELIEVE IN STARS. THEY ARE NOTHING BUT LIES TOLD TO COMFORT YOU.  
And that was Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner. 

And now for today’s top story:  
An old, traveling fair has mysteriously appeared in the sand wastes between our beautiful little town and the ghastly Desert Bluffs last week. Not much is known of why it came to be, or where it came from, but we can all feel it watching. Waiting. Tracking our every move. Looking upon us as we forcibly and lifelessly go about our boring and habitual existence. It can sense our pain, our fear. We can feel it. Watching. It understands. And it will all be over soon….

We’ve sent an intern, Tony, to investigate, and see exactly what this ‘family fair’ wants with us. That was 5 days ago, and we haven’t heard back yet… to the family and friends of intern Tony, he has most likely perished in the respectable line of community radio. He will be missed, and remembered. Hopefully, though, he will come back with more important information on the desert’s newest mysterious establishment. Stuff such as, do they sell cotton candy? Is it affordably priced? Do the attractions accommodate all genders and species? And, since it is technically outside the town borders, DO WHEAT AND WHEAT BY-PRODUCTS NOT TURN INTO SNAKES? Hopefully we’ll get favourable answers, as we have high hopes for this new fair. More on this story as it continues.

Now for our community calendar.  
Monday is our annual ‘Save the Canadians Blood Drive.’ Do your part to save the ravaging, violent canadians, with their hungry eyes, dull lifeless skin, timeless high-culture demeanour, and sharp, pointed teeth. So make sure to stay indoors, or else the wild migrating Canadians might just find you. They are armed. They are dangerous. And they are out for blood.  
Also, remember that Canada does not actually exist, so everything I have just said is meaningless.  
Tuesday, stuff will happen. Things.  
Wednesday, everyone is invited to the wedding of Bob Anderson and Gertrude Zolnerowich. The two have been engaged for 3 years, and if I may say, they are one of the cutest incorporeal ancient god and floating blob couples I’ve ever seen. May they have a long and prosperous union. So join them, and celebrate as these two individuals come together and form an unalterable symbiotic bond that neither will be able to truly survive, nor live without.  
There will be snacks.  
Thursday is not important.  
On Friday, take half-off prices as the local Burger King on selected items, such as chicken nuggets, artichoke shakes, whooper extremes, and wheat-free pumpernickel doughnuts. Choose an incorrect item, and we cannot vouch for your safety.  
Saturday is *static fuzz* *incoherent chanting* *loud screeching noise* so make sure to leave out all the proper ritualistic sacrifices for any and all *loud bang.* The best types of offerings are lamb’s blood, *guitar riff*, a lamp depicting multi-coloured murals of wild penguins devouring their prey, a dirty, bent spoon, peanut butter, pencil shavings, peanut butter with pencil shaving stuck in it, peanut butter with pencil shaving stuck in it on a dirty, bent spoon, which you clutch to your chest yelling, ‘why? Why? WHY?,’ a 2003 Nicolas Cage calendar, and portabella mushrooms. If you are unable to offer any of those things, run.  
Sunday is annual ‘Ignorance Day,’ which no one is in the know about. If you have any knowledge or memory of such a day, please report for reeducation. 

Reports are coming in about the fair that had suddenly appeared in the desert last week, stating that the fair has started…. moving. Or, more accurately, fluctuating in and out of existence. It’s said that, at times, the extraterrestrial lights, oddly comforting incandescent chanting, and lifeless moans we’ve all already come to associate with the fair slowly fade away, leaving us with nothing but the unnerving silence, and the knowledge that nothing, not even ourselves, is a permanent or even influential aspect of our universe, and that we, like everything else, will one day fade into void and nothingness. 

After an undisclosed amount of time, of course, the fair’s sounds came back, and we could once again go back to our petty and insignificant lives.  
And yet, who knows how long it’s going to stay? And who knows what deadly terrors we may encounter should we try to visit at the wrong time? So, if I do say so myself, we should all go see this fair while it’s still in town.  
In fact, you have to go. It’s illegal not to, as of two minutes ago. Unless, for some reason, you’re in the city council, who are exempt from this law because as they chanted simultaneously, ‘why should we, the government, have to follow laws? I mean, we’re the ones who make them, right? We spend soooo much time and effort making these things that we really deserve a break and stuff. I mean, we’ve earned it. Besides, we’re the City Council, so everything we say is right.’ Those reasons, of course, are totally valid. They’re the government, so they must be telling the truth. I mean, why would they say anything but the truth? And why would they do anything to help, say, ‘themselves’ and their own ‘personal selfish needs’, instead of the rest of our community? We should all trust their wise and benevolent judgement, and go visit the fair. Bring the whole family, or make a date out of it. I’m personally contemplating on inviting Carlos, our beautiful and perfect scientist, to come with me. Yes, that same perfect scientist that’s currently wearing that fashionably simplistic and classy white labcoat, with his beautiful and perfect hair on full display, as he enjoys a nice hot slice of Big Rico’s Pizza. No one does a slice like Big Rico. NO ONE.

And now a word from our sponsors.  
*heavy breathing*  
And that was a word from our sponsors!

Huge scandal today, listeners! It turns out that the Faceless Old Woman who secretly lives in your home was seen eating fish this morning. As you can imagine, everyone was extremely alarmed at this turn of events. Our dear Faceless Old Woman, who so lovingly and incorrectly reorganizes our bookshelves and steals our left socks, eating fish! It’s of no concern of how she was able to eat the fish, for seeing as she is faceless and therefore has no mouth it must be difficult, because there are much more pressing questions today, listeners. Everyone knows that FISH DO NOT EXIST. And we all also know that any fish we do find is actually an unholy abomination that’s the product of some shadowy world government agency. So, in that case, what is she eating? What is the Faceless Old Woman eating? Does anyone know? Will she tell us? And, if she doesn’t, is she really worthy of being mayor? We may never know.

Back to today’s news. Or, at least, an approximation of it. Now, as I’m sure you all know, this is a news show, not a Cecil’s personal life show, but I just have to tell someone about this. And who better to tell than all of you, listening dutifully from home? Or from work? Or from some other mystical location that picks up the local radio frequency. So. Guess who asked me to go to the fair later today? That’s right, Carlos! I mean, I was planning on inviting him anyways, but that hardly matters. He made a plan, took the time to think about whether I would like doing something. Oh, how sweet! The fact that he pays attention to what I might enjoy and stuff… isn’t it romantic? He asked if it was alright if we made it a science date, so that he might figure out how it came to be, and keeps disappearing, and other science-y things. Which is sooo neat. As you all already know, I’m very into science these days. And the look of concentration oh his face as he does some readings, well, listeners, how could I possibly describe it? 

But, as much as I would love to continue this topic, I don’t think station management would appreciate it. I can already hear some low growling and inhuman gurgling noises coming from their office. Regardless, I can’t wait until my break, when I can spend some quality time with Carlos. And so, with much excitement, I bring you… The Weather:

*song plays*

The Night Vale Community Center announced earlier today that it would be getting a new theme park, completely paid for by the taxes of all lower-income families. Which, I believe, is a completely beautiful and economical proposition. All of our more valuable citizens, such as the local billionaire Marcus Vanston, can watch on as we go about, giving all of our unearned money to a project that will probably never truly reach completion. Which is as things should be. We need to make sacrifices for our community, in order to help all of the talented and important people. Like Mr. Vanston. And if you ever doubt how talented and valuable they are, well, look at their paychecks! How can anyone less than spectacular have so much money? It’s simple logic, common sense.  
Meanwhile, scientists are not yet sure on how the Community Center gained the sentience necessary to demand the new amusement park, or why everyone has simply accepted the demands it’s made, but the City Council has deemed such questions unimportant, so we’ll have to be content with not knowing the answers. Sometimes things like that just happen. 

...Alright, enough news. I just need to get this all out! 

So, Carlos and I decided to go to the fair together, right? Like, as a date? Together? You remember me mentioning that, right? Well, it was nothing like I imagined, it was sooo much better! He was so sweet, and gentlemanly, and oh, dear listeners, it was perfect. Everything, from the fair’s overly cheerful attendants, the soft chartreuse clouds floating overhead, and the perfectly imperfect man beside me, was beautiful. This was our first out of town date, you know. I feel like this is another step in our relationship! 

And I feel inclined to mention how great the fair was, as well. Truly a great dating environment! The second we arrived at the dark, menacing, viscera-strewn gates, everyone made sure to give us the best time possible. And there were so many things to do! Carlos did a few ring-toss games, and ended up winning me a plush disembodied head. I tried to win him one as well, but apparently I’m better at conkers, contemporary disembowelment, and pinball than i am at ring toss. Still, I know I will treasure his gift forever, possibly even for months, in memory of our day out. 

Okay, so next, we got some cotton candy to share. We’d just take little pieces off, feeding it to each other and basking in both the metallic, meaty taste of the cotton candy, and in our company of each other. After we finished, he smiled, leaning against my shoulder, and I grinned back. It was such a beautiful moment, listeners, as the world slowed down around us, the compact ball of rock and molten metal we call home reducing it’s speed of rotation around it’s axis as it allowed us an elongated moment of simple perfection. And after that we went to the ferris wheel, where we… actually, I think I’ve said enough now. As much as I would love to keep gushing about how perfect it was, this is, once again, a news show. I have to keep some level of objectivity. 

But, I suppose what I’m trying to say is, the date went well. Unbelievably well. Staggeringly, mind-blowingly well. And that was made possible by the fact that the new fair, which I have found out is called ‘Ronnie Flinko’s Traveling Wondershop of Horrors,’ was such a great establishment. From the impeccable customer service, to the many macabre attractions, it has proven itself to be a wonderful place to take the whole family. 

And I would like you, my devoted listeners, to have a thought for your family, real or otherwise. Have a thought for their love, or for their familiarity, or their horrible cooking. Have a thought about why you love them, why you don’t love them, or why, why did aunt Jimmy have to turn into a pumpkin? Have a thought about anything. And then, when you’re finished, have no more...

Stay tuned next for an hour of whistling tea kettles, accompanied by soft sighs of contentment and indistinguishable chittering noise. 

Good night, Night Vale, Good night.


End file.
